Sermons. It is not good to be alone?!

Potentially God gives an incredible treasure but it can be revealed only through serving! Many of those who had a long single life consider marriage as a kind of reward for their loneliness. And therefore they are building the relationships of consumption and manipulation born by the fear and thirst for pleasures.

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Pavel Zhelnovakov

Or the meditations on how to set a foundation for the family happiness or basis for divorce

“The Sprit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry … If you point these things out to the brothers, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, brought up in the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed” (1 Timothy 3:5).

The text above can definitely make us worried and trembling. Altogether, it reveals insidious designs of Satan and his servants in a very clear and transparent way. Let me ask all the readers a question: how many modern teachings in a church or near-church surroundings do you know that carry occult motives in their essence and are designed to destroy the institute of marriage? I would like to clarify at once that we are not speaking here about the demoniacal methods of breaking a family and traditional values that were invented by this world and approved by a non-christian society. The Bible text mentioned above says that these teachings will appear inside the existing churches. And secondly, we are not speaking about “celibacy” – the teaching that has existed for many years in the catholic and some levels of the Orthodox Church. Their rise can hardly be dated to the last-time epoch. Moreover, these teachings do not forbid marriage itself, though they are not biblical in its essence.

It seems to me that finding such teachings in a modern Christian society would be really difficult. But was the “clearly saying Spirit” mistaken in this case, then? To state this is not safe at all. And may be it is a question of the hidden forms of breaking a family strategy; that is based on the modern psychology, whose leaders were known as occultists and an apostate. We can also relate to this some modern culture points of view and simple human wisdom. We know, though, that Apostle James called this wisdom “…earthly, unspiritual, of the devil”. So, here comes the answer to the question asked above.

There is no need to enumerate all the various teachings and pieces of advice for marriage and family, especially those coming from the west and America. They are harshly splashed today over a church and near-church space, without having solved many questions. However, no, they do solve. I am saying it with a deep irony as such “solutions” are making perverted sex and other dirty things more and more legal. If saints could hear them, they would turn upside down in their coffins. At the same time the problems and divorce curve is increasing dramatically. It has become like a business based on marriage problems. Quite prosperous business, by the way… This gives real worries.

What do we need to resist Satan’s strategy of marriage destruction? Let us turn to a not difficult discourse on the Bible. Apostle Paul quite clearly says that “without faith it is impossible to please God…”, this immediately finishes with every idea of wedlock happiness which is not coming from Christ’s Word; because faith comes from God’s Word only, as he states it in the letter to Romans. If something is made without the participation of faith, based on God’s Word, God will not bless it, as it is “not good” and not pleasing in His sight. In this case the safety of marriage and family, including the desirable happiness, are not at the level of principles and advice offered by this world and earthly wisdom, but by God Himself, as a Creator of marriage. I suppose He is the One, we should go to when solving the questions of happiness and family safety.

In accordance with what was said above we should have a close look at the famous words uttered by God in Eden: “It is not good to be alone…”

These beautiful words are probably known to every Christian and many unbelievers as well. They were declared by God in the Eden Garden – the place that yet was not aware of the horrible power of sin. They are not just familiar, but they carry something real for those who seek happiness and family prosperity. Using modern language we can, probably, say that these words are hiding some programme for family happiness. In this case, these words are more than worth our close attention and prayer.

To start the discourse on the issue of worthy marriage and happy family, I hurry to ask some important questions:

? is it possible at all to imagine marriage and family being really happy;

? is it suitable to speak about marriage only from God’s point of view or shall we also take into the consideration contemporary culture opinion etc.;

? where is the limit of the local church (its opinion and traditions) influence on the concept of marriage;

? when and how are created the foundations for misfortunes, problems and future divorces.

These questions are necessary to direct our (often littered with different ideas) religious consciousness and search to the right direction. As it is know that the ability to understand the question also defines the ability to receive the answer.

The very first thing I would like to establish (and this will end all the wrong search directions) is the famous truth that just God and nobody else is the Creator and initiator of marriage. In this case, we should base our meditations on His point of view. The truth seems to be familiar to the many, but very few accept it as the truth for life, and not just for intellectual contemplation.

I have often asked a question: “what did God really mean when saying “it is not good to be alone”? at both seminars and meetings. And to my surprise, it frequently hung in mid-air. Actually, there were answers, sometimes very comical. For instance, “daughter, it’s time for you to get married, “and we’ll have one person less at the table”; “sunny, you need to get married, you already have erotic dreams”; or “people are laughing at you, they think you cannot marry cause you’ve got some problems…”. Or “brother, we are planning to appoint you to the ministry, but you are not married. You have two months to fix it”. We can continue this list…

I want to assure you that it was not Adam who looked around himself one day and having seen what everyone is doing in couples questioned God with the appeared loneliness. It is a fairly unsuccessful point of view belonging to preachers, but definitely not to God. He and just He emphasized this issue and He Himself solved it in the most wonderful way. All these ideas (made up under the influence of modern culture, psychology and church order) are not worth focusing our attention on.

Let me ask all the readers: have you asked yourself and God an important question: “God, what did you mean when saying these words?” The answer will refer to both general understanding of marriage and personal. The way we understand the words “not good” and as a result laying the foundation depends on the right answer. All the other points of view are temporary and fragile which, sooner or later, will lead to a tension and breaking up. It is all quite easy: if the understanding of the words “not good” was dictated by anything but not by the word of God, then as soon as a person is tired of serving to his or her spouse, he will definitely have an idea that being alone is not as bad at all. What will then be able to keep them from unreasonable decisions and actions?

What can a seeking mind and heart find, then, relying on the Scriptures? Firstly, concerning the existence of unity of two people and not just one:

a) possibility and ability to have a free choice;

b) possibility for fellowship and, therefore, for a deeper life understanding;

c) concerted fulfillment of tasks, where a man is the responsible one;

d) ability to know deeper the love of God-Father;

e) possibility and ability to understand the secret of serving to a neighbor.

The second fundamental condition for the blessing is the agreement of two people with God’s words: “…I will make a helper suitable for him”. The word “helper” turned out to be very unclear, and therefore totally ignored by many Christians. I should notice, though, that it was uttered by God in Eden where the sin had not existed yet! We simply don’t have the right to look at this word relying on the modern culture or feminism movement, including the church feminism. In this case we will inevitably lay the foundation for the future problems in relationships. Men have to admit women’s rights to be a helper and women have to agree with the blessing of God. Without accepting the edict of God men and therefore women won’t be able to fulfill their decree completely! And it’s not about women’s role being limited by a kitchen, bathroom and bed duties. If any man thinks it to be so, he sins before God.

I’d like to notice here that in the given edict concerning helper’s role there is nothing humiliating for women and extolling men. God did not plan these relationships to be this way. It’s just a question of His order which gives real breath of life to your relationships. Unfortunately, the devil managed to cheat many women and men. So they started considering God’s plan from the position of traumatized sensuality and not just simple order. So men can’t help but be especially grateful to God for their more privileged position in relation to women. And women are destined to grumble over God or be humbled about this injustice or use manipulation and rebellious politics. Isn’t it where all the misfortunes and divorces come from?

The third important condition of the blessing for a happy marriage is the fulfillment of the commandment: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flash”. We can quite clearly see here two important issues of marriage: will leave and be united. The result is one flash as God has planned it. Both of these aspects speak about the active movement of a man and woman towards each other. And a man is the responsible one. A woman is not the initiator of unity but the one who replies. All over again we need to ask the Architect and Builder of marriage a question: “What did you mean, Lord, declaring these commands?”

Will leave - means to leave the sphere of spiritual, emotional and financial power of parents, without stopping loving them of course. If you do not leave you will bring not just parents but a great deal of other people to your marriage. It will be more like a hostel, rather than family sacrament of the two. The process of leaving is not easy as our habits are strong. Moreover, we are constantly surrounded with an idea of false independence. I’d like to remind you that independent people have never existed in this world. It is just a society utopia! To make this step we need to trust God. Only then we’ll realize what tremendous blessings are hidden under His demand. This step we’ll also bring some new difficulties and pain which is quite natural.

Will be united – a process of an agreement when you let your marriage partner enter the deepest parts of your spiritual, mental and physical life. This agreement is shown in serving to the partner and sexual unity. This brings pain, which is inevitable. That’s why we say that a normal happy family cannot be defined only by the absence of pain. Usually the presence of pain stops people from believing that this process can bring something important. That’s because we are often offered an idealized image of God which is not based on His revelation about Himself. Truly, the church humanism cannot admit that the pain can come from God. But when God was creating a woman using Adam’s rib he was asleep and did not feel any loss. But the “return” of the rib, i.e. wife to its place is happening not in the dream but in reality. This really brings pain and only love to a marriage partner can heal it. And that’s a life long process and it’s better if we know this in advance.

The forth necessary and important condition for those who want to have God’s blessing – He needs to see that it is “good” as it is mentioned in Genesis, chapter 1. God gave His blessing only when He saw that what he did was “good” and “very good”. What can we offer Him to get His blessing? Something which is good from the culture point of view? (There is no hope as there are more than 700 definitions of culture).Or may be God will be satisfied with the psychology’s point of view? (But it has never been objective). Or may be the opinion of the local church will be enough for His approval? (But we all know how much different are churches’ opinions on various issues). The Bible only clearly defines what is “good” in the sight of God and due to which He will declare His blessing.

The last thing I want to draw your attention to is the agreement to serve to a marriage partner. Marriage is a work and as Ecclesiastes says 4:9, 12: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work (high lightened by me)… Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” Potentially God gives an incredible treasure but it can be revealed only through serving! Many of those who had a long single life consider marriage as a kind of reward for their loneliness. And therefore they are building the relationships of consumption and manipulation born by the fear and thirst for pleasures. However, the opposite side often has the same attitude. Can we, then, seriously speak about blessing, happiness and unity? Speaking about serving I’d like to use the image of house walls. Feelings in particular form a kind of walls of a family happiness. But the walls should be placed on the foundation only, i.e. on the factor of serving to a marriage partner! In the Hill preaching Jesus spoke about two ways of building. One is building on the stone, real foundation, and on the sand, i.e. sensual marriage understanding. It is interesting to mention that both of them had walls but the building on the sand had no foundation and it led to destruction, which is, metaphorically speaking, a divorce.

What shall we do then? Firstly, we need to accept that only God is in charge of forming the right view about marriage and family. Secondly, it is the necessity to get knowledge about marriage. The Bible says: “Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restrain; but blessed is he who keeps the law”, and also “my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” It is hard to imagine family happiness based on the impetuousness of the heart and mind or the promised destruction. Therefore, we just need to leave all those miscellaneous ideas the world is full of and ideas the church is absorbing. Instead, we should return to the simple but safe Bible truths. This really brings blessing, it has “future and hope”! Let God help us all!